Gossip and Backbiting

I think I can say fairly truthfully that I have never been much for gossip and backbiting. That is, until this year. This year I was put in a difficult roommate situation that tested me and my other roommates and led to a lot of gossip and a lot of backbiting. As I read more about the Baha'i Faith, I began to do a lot of thinking about this as these practices are absolutely forbidden in the Faith and even described as the "greatest sin." At first, it seems a little silly that gossip is deemed worse than murder or adultery or something like that, but the idea is that it goes against the Baha'i ideal of unity. So, it makes sense.

But how can something so sinful be so common in our society? This is my challenge. Murder and adultery are condemned by most, but gossip and backbiting are so common and are often even a means of bonding. Furthermore, what constitutes gossip? Surely telling a friend that you heard an acquaintance got a new job/boyfriend/etc isn't the "greatest sin." All of these thoughts, combined with my frustration at my situation and guilt about my reaction to it left me thinking a lot about the subject. So, I decided to ask someone about it.

I decided to send a Facebook message to Navid, who I had met at Ridvan. I chose him rather than Norah because, as we are both college students, I thought we would be in more similar situations on a daily basis. Needless to say, gossip and backbiting are as common as breathing on most college campuses. Navid had also been very welcoming to me at Ridvan and I felt comfortable with him for reasons I can't describe. So, I wrote a message expressing my struggles and frustration.

This Thursday, he finally messaged me back. Although it took him a while, it was worth the wait because he sent me a message longer than I could have expected. It was well thought out and he clearly took a lot of time to help me. He apologized for it taking such a long time, but it was probably a good thing because I have had a lot of time to do thinking and reading on my own.

Of course, I still have a lot of work to do on this subject. But I also think I have made a great deal of progress. I am much less quick to judge and always catch myself whenever I start to say something negative. I even catch myself when I say something negative that isn't gossip or backbiting too. Negativity in general is just harmful and rarely, if ever, leads to good. As Navid said to me, "Another important reason is the effect it has on our soul, our true identity." I think he is right. Saying negative things leads you to become a negative person, whether or not you realize or intend it. On the other hand, As Baha'u'llah says, "‎A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the hearts of men. It is the bread of the spirit, it clotheth the words with meaning, it is the fountain of the light of wisdom and understanding." Your words become your character.

Another thing I have been asking myself in relation to this topic (and in general) is a question I heard Andy Stanley (the pastor from North Point) ask when I went to church a few weeks ago. He said to ask yourself this: Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?

Would I want the person I want to spread negative energy by gossip and backbiting? Of course not. The person I want wouldn't want that kind of person either. I love this question and think of it often. I also love that it applies to all situations and I believe it can help you be a better person.

That is all I have to say on this topic for now, but I am sure more will follow eventually. Hopefully Navid and I will continue our conversation. Though I don't know him well, he is lovely and very kind for sending me such a thoughtful reply. I am sure I will go to him in the future with other questions. Hopefully he won't mind. :)

Another quotation (courtesy of Navid's message to me):
"... Backbiting quencheth the light of the heart, and extinguisheth the life of the soul."
(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 91)